A pdf of this post is available at: A Manly Attitude.
To many guys, being manly means being macho. A macho man is strong and tough: he can withstand all manner of discomfort and hardship, and he won’t complain. He’s cool: he doesn’t show emotion, but he’ll fight you if challenged or insulted. He’s self-reliant: he won’t ever expose any weakness, or become indebted to you. He’s proud: he has no superiors, and anyone who suggests that his self-image is a lie will face the consequences. And he’s also pretty handy with a chainsaw.
For macho men, there is only one alternative to being macho: being a pansy. A pansy is weak and soft. Deep down, the pansy is still a little boy. He always complains and bemoans his weakness. He’s always trying to get other people to do the hard work instead of him. He has no self-respect. He lets people walk all over him.
Macho men have at least one thing right: no man should ever want to be a pansy. But—chainsaw prowess aside—the macho man is a distortion of masculinity too. Over against both of these, we have the teaching and example of the true man, Jesus Christ.
Jesus taught, “Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth” (Matt 5:5; cf. Ps 37:11). The instant we use the word “meek,” we need to explain its true, biblical meaning. It does not mean “mousy.” It is not a synonym for “pansy.” Rather, biblical meekness means a gentle willingness to surrender our will for the good of another. As we will see, biblical “meekness” is at the heart of true manliness.
Here are some characteristics of biblical meekness, and therefore, true manliness:
1. Meekness is honest about weakness. A macho man never asks for help, but Jesus, “in the days of his flesh, … offered up prayers and supplications, with loud cries and tears, to him who was able to save him from death” (Heb 5:7; cf. 1 Cor 2:3). Jesus felt no compulsion to keep up a front, as though he had no needs. Unlike you and me, Jesus would not have been afraid to ask for directions.
One of the manliest things you can do is to honestly confess your weakness and sin to the Lord and to others.
2. Meekness is gentle toward others in need. While the macho man domineers, the gentle man says, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest … for I am gentle and lowly in heart” (Matt 11:28–29). The macho man despises the weak, but Jesus does not break a bruised reed or quench a smoldering wick (Matt 12:20; Isa 42:3).
You don’t need to prove you are stronger than others to be a true man.
3. Meekness is strong and tough—in the Lord. Like the macho man, the meek man does not complain and is willing to endure great hardship, but for very different reasons. The macho man is trying prove something, but the meek man is trying to accomplish something—namely, the glory of God and the good of our neighbor. Like Jesus, we surrender our bodies and souls to great toil and self-denial for the sake of love (Mark 8:34; 10:45).
Christ makes you able to endure pain so others might thrive.
4. Meekness is not preoccupied with self-image. Unlike macho men, meek men don’t take themselves so seriously. Meekness is able to laugh at itself. Why? Because the meek man’s security is in the Lord.
Marty McFly from Back to the Future is a great counter-example. If anyone calls him “chicken,” he’ll fight. On the surface, he seems tough for not taking any insults. But really, he’s showing his true weakness: he’s so insecure he can’t handle anyone thinking he’s a chicken. Everything is riding on keeping up the proud self-image.
In contrast, the meek man is willing to bend his will, even if it seems to others that he’s being walked on. This requires balance: when it’s a matter of conviction, we must fight the good fight (1 Tim 6:12). Jesus stormed against those who abused their power (Matthew 23). But when it’s a matter of personal preference, we are not quarrelsome, willful, or violent. Rather, we are gentle, bearing with each other in love, and being willing to give way for the sake of peace (Eph 4:2; 1 Tim 3:3; 2 Tim 2:25; Tit 1:7; 3:2). For “the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere” (Jam 3:17).
You don’t have to look good or have your own way to be a true man.
In God’s economy, it’s not the tough guy who inherits the earth, but the meek. Our savior became weak and was put to shame on the cross for the sake of love. He surrendered his will for our good. And in calling us to be men, he calls us to be meek. Indeed, meekness is a fruit of Christ’s Spirit (Gal 5:23; often translated “gentleness”).
At its heart, machismo is really testosterone masquerading as true manliness. Every guy has testosterone. But not every guy is a true man, because not every guy has done the truly manly—and meek—thing of humbling himself at the foot of the cross. Brothers, let us abandon our bravado and be men—not macho but meek.
Discussion Questions
Comprehension Questions
- What are some key differences between being macho and being meek?
- How does Jesus’ life show us what “meekness” really means?
- How is meekness not the same thing as being a weakling?
Application Questions
- Growing up, what images of masculinity did you receive? What was held up for you (either by your parents or by movies and such) as the manly man?
- Where are you still protective of your self-image? How do you feel about your weakness being exposed?
- If the meekness of Jesus were to characterize your whole life, what would need to change? What boasts? What relationships? What attitudes?